Busy season rocks my husband. Last night my husband came home just before midnight. We spent a few minutes talking while I got ready for bed, and then he went back to work on his laptop. He came to bed close to 3 a.m. The kids woke up around 7 a.m., so he got up with them so he could see them before going back to work.
This is every single day for many months. His mental and physical capacity are often pushed to breaking point. He feels stress and anxiety over the demands, and there are times when he reacts to these emotions.
I know your husband does the same thing.
For many years, I used to think of ways I could help him feel better. I would fold his laundry for him so he would get ready with less stress. I would send him texts to tell him I love him, so he wouldn’t feel so alone. I would plan date nights with special activities so he would have a break from the grind of life.
All of these actions I did as a way to make him feel better because if he felt better, I wouldn’t be so worried.
This sounds like a positive thing, but it wasn’t. He would still be stressed no matter what I did, and then my own feelings of frustration would start to rise based on the thoughts I had that he wasn’t grateful for how hard I was trying to help.
You cannot control how others think, feel, or act. Logically you know this, yet you still try to do things to help others feel better.
When you step back and see your actions as ways you are really trying control how others feel, you can see that you are not honoring or supporting that person’s feelings.
The next time you see your husband stressed, instead of trying to make him feel better, manage your own thoughts first. Perhaps thinking, “He’s stressed right now, and that’s ok,” or “I can be happy, and he can be stressed,” or “His stress is an emotion he is feeling, but not a reflection of me as a wife,” you can start showing up for him in a more supportive and loving way.
He will be very grateful, I promise.
I would love to talk with you about how you can be more supportive of your husband through his stress. Click here to sign up for your free coaching call so we can talk about it.